Alex Smith of the Kansas City Chiefs has long been known as one of the least aggressive quarterbacks in the NFL, with the 8th lowest interception percentage in history. But why? Is it because he has a weak arm that is wildly inaccurate past 30 yards, or is it something else? The answer is both. Andy Reid is employing an unconventional method to incentivize his QB: food. No, Andy isn’t bribing his players with discounts to a local BBQ joint. In fact, he’s doing quite the opposite.
For every interception that Smith throws this season, coach Reid has and will continue to treat himself to an all-you-can-eat buffet. To be clear, Andy Reid isn’t treating Alex Smith to an all-you-can-eat buffet, Andy Reid is treating Andy Reid to an all-you-can-eat buffet. If you don’t know what Andy Reid looks like, let me fill you in: he’s fat and he has a mustache. But mostly, he’s fat.
This deal between the signal-caller and play-caller has a two-pronged effect, and Alex is happy to oblige. “It’s like killing two birds with one football,” affirms Smith. “I don’t want to let my team down by throwing interceptions, and I also don’t want Andy to die. It’s a win-win: I protect the ball, Andy protects his arteries.”
Andy “Big Red” Reid has mostly been maintaining a low-carb pescatarian diet this year, breakfasting on kale shakes and lox every morning. But 8 times this season, his quarterback has turned the ball over and turned Reid into a rib-eating machine. These buffet trips are bittersweet, and not because he mixes his dark chocolate with Worcestershire sauce, which he is known to do.
Lately, these unconventional tactics have taken on a decidedly darker tone. "Travis [Kelce] picked up coach's Gatorade bottle by mistake at practice the other day., and it was filled with A1 Sauce. We put it back and didn't say anything." Smith suspects his coach is starting to hope that he throws interceptions. “Last week, he called a Hail Mary in the first quarter,” confesses Alex. "Later Andy said it was a slip of the tongue, and I agree. His tongue seems to out-think his brain nowadays.”
Reid’s luscious lips don’t create any conflict of interest for his caring quarterback.”When I seem him wiping drool off the play sheet, it’s just sad,” Smith professes, feeling the full weight of the responsibility of keeping his coach’s heart pumping “I caught him looking up menus on one of the Microsoft Surfaces after I threw that pick against Denver. I exited out of it and made sure that was my last turnover. Some things are bigger than football, larger than life, like Andy Reid.” The Chiefs coached could not be reached for comment because he is currently 4 hours into his meal at Smokin’ Guns BBQ in Kansas City.